What's The Problem?

So much cricketing goodness - so few cricket blogs.

First things first, KP's out of the rest of the Ashes series. Nobody seems to know what to make of this, whether it's good news or whether it's bad news. So I shan't bother to try either. But if was forced to ask, I reckon he's just afeared of becoming Nathan 'Ho' Hautitz's bunny. And, honestly, who wouldn't be?

The next most important thing is the cause of the Australian team's failings. Here are some theories:

• Cryin' Shane Watson thinks it's because the Aussies aren't allowed to sledge. That's certainly an issue, but might be taken more seriously if it wasn't coming from a man afraid of ghosts.
• Swine flu!! Travelling journalists have the disease. How many cricketers do too??
• Mitchell Johnson's wrist! Geoff Lawson doesn't like its angle. Oh, Henry, of all the protractor-wielders out there, you'd be the first I'd turn to.

Here's what's not to blame:

• Mitch's mum. Honestly. She said so. But she still hates his 'whore of a fiancee'.

But enough of all those problems and my attempts to solve them. Let's hear from a real expert on the subject: