Australia v England Lions, Day Three

England Lions v Australia, 3rd Innings, Worcester, Day Three, Stumps

Australia 358 & 276/4
England Lions 352

Australia 2nd Innings

Flashy Phil Hughes c Morgan b Harmison 8
Simon 'Handbrake' Katich c Moore Rashers Please! 37
Little Captain Punter c 'Bacon' Rashers b Harmison 15
Magnetic Marcus North not out 106
Pupshark c Onions Souvlaki 80
Mr Cricket not out 11

Extras (b 11, lb 7, nb 1) 19

Total (4 wickets, 73 overs) 276

So, let's look at this.

Before this game we had

In Form Aussies: Flashy Phil Hughes, Simon 'Handbrake' Katich, Little Captain Punter, Brad 'Has Been' Haddin, Mitchell 'Johnson and' Johnson, Stuart Clark

Out of Form Aussies: Mr Cricket, Pupshark, Magnetic Marcus North, Scarecrow, Ho Hauritz

And now, after day three of this game, the order has been almost perfectly reversed.

Only The Handbrake of Simon Katich and Ho Hauritz have maintained their form line. Oh, and Cryin' Shane Watson, of course, who remains injured and on the sidelines.

I say, let's get the three consistent players in a room and see if Simon will strangle the other two.

What do you think of the bizarre reversal of form of almost the entire Australian team, Team Consistency Advisor Bratich?

Boy, you said it Jessica.

Australia v England Lions, Day Two

England Lions v Australia, 2nd Innings, Worcester, Day Two, Stumps

Australia 358
England Lions 302/6

Jumpin' Joe Denly b Scarecrow 66
Please Sir, I Want Some Moore c Has-Been Haddin b Scarecrow 120
Ding-Dong Bell lbw b Scarecrow 0
Vikram Souvlaki b Scarecrow 8
Eioioiaioan Morgan lbw b Scarecrow 4
Steve Davies b Pupshark b Magnetic Marcus North 53
Adil 'Bacon' Rasher not out 36
Tim 'Rashers of' Bacon not out 0

Extras (b 5, lb 2, nb 8) 15

Total (6 wickets, 81 overs) 302

Well, for the first time in seeming forever, the Scarecrow comes to the rescue.

Yes, you read that correctly. Brett 'Scarecrow' Lee came to the rescue.

Ho Hauritz? Not so much.

Australia v England Lions, Day One

England Lions v Australia, 1st Innings, Worcester, Day One, Stumps

Flashy Phil Hughes c Denly b Harmison 7

Simon 'Handbrake' Katich c 'Extra' Onions b Harmison 95

Little Captain Punter c Souvlaki with 'Extra' Onions 1

Mr Cricket not out 143

Pupshark c Rashers of Bacon 4

Magnetic Marcus North b 'Extra' Onions 1

Brad 'Has-Been' Haddin lbw b Bacon 7

Mitchell 'Johnson &' Johnson c Davies b Bacon 47

Brett 'Scarecrow' Lee b Harmison 6

Nathan 'Ho' Hauritz not out 7

Extras (b 6, lb 10, nb 3) 19

Total (8 wickets, 90 overs) 337

What a stupid old scorecard that is. Still, as warmups for the Ashes go, this one was just about perfect for the Aussies. Pupshark and Little Captain Punter demonstrating yet again why they put the word 'unit' into 'captaincy unit' and Magnetic Marcus North's compass still as wobbly as ever.

On the other hand, Mr Cricket surged back into form and Our Man Mitch continued to tonk. Now, if we can just get the Scarecrow back into taking wickets off no balls, Ho Hauritz bowling rubbish and Cryin' Shane Watson watching injured from the sideline, I think the Aussie team will be precisely where we expected them to be for the First Test.

Peter Siddle Loves Zoe Goss... Pass It On

Apparently, Pupshark and the rest of the team talk about Andrew 'Roid' Symonds 'daily'.

Huh?

Is this the Australian cricket team? Or the cast for the new season of Gossip Girl?

Related: Who would win a game of cricket between the cast of Gossip Girl and the Australian 20/20 team? Show your working.

What Would Bradman Do?

Well, this is bizarre.

The Australians have been urged by Cricket Australia chiefs not to:

• display visible aggression or sledge
• be disappointed, despondent or abrupt with the media
• spit or swear
• claim dropped catches

In essence, they're being urged to abandon most of the very skills that made the Steve Waugh era team such a champion squad. This way lies madness, surely.

What else should the Australians be urged not to do? Make your choice in the poll to the right there.

A Simple Plea

Apparently, Cryin' Shane Watson isn't going to give up.

Shane? Mate? Please do.

Guess Who Is Injured Again?

I'll give you a clue... tears have been shed.